[The Rules of Exile] Rule No. 3: Who wears that much lip gloss into battle?

posted in: QueensInExile | 2

If you recognize the title, you know it’s a quote from our era’s beloved princess/General of the Resistance, Carrie Fisher.  Up until this point, we have been cautious, sister #QueensInExile.  We left our respective courts in the middle of the night like ghosts, we’ve been Final Girl ready, we’ve taken what goods we can carry.  We’ve been hiding.  We’ve been casting our witchcraft in the dark of the night with our blood bound sisters. We’ve been planning.  We’ve been plotting.  We’ve been encrypting and decrypting.  We’ve put on our best dress, done our hair up pretty, put on our nicest lipstick.  We sit in our new tiny living rooms, our borrowed rooms with our hands neatly folded in our laps, perfectly made up.  Waiting.  Waiting.


Except.  If you have been doing what you’ve supposed to be doing (have you?  I ain’t playing.  Get.  It.  Done.  Sister.), it’s time to step through that motherfucking door.  

I have.

I hadn’t realized that I had until just now, to be honest.  I had been hovering in the doorway for so long, I don’t think I actually noticed when I actually stepped through.  If I were to name events that lead to me stepping through the door it would be:

  1. The Great Gatsby Party at the McKittrick with Jow
  2. Teaching and making floral wreaths with my coterie and new friends at Glimmerdark
  3. My birthday
  4. Reading tarot for strangers for the first time in a decade
  5. The Maenad party
  6. The Acela (and almost missing it), the Russian Tea Cake and the Firepit
  7. Developing a new name to write under and getting to take “her” out for a trot to a club with my girls and being called by my new name by all the girls at the club because that’s how they know me from that corner of the internet.  Staying out til 3am that night and having the night be everything I could have wanted it to be and then just a little more.

Do you feel like you could rip around Narnia or the McKittrick’s Speakeasy with (0) effs to give?  Do you feel like you are occupying the space you stand in?  Have you Done a Thing – created a baby, a marriage, a small business, a band, an art, a book?  Do you feel steady after returning from the woods, wolf skin on your back?

Then it’s time to let slip the dogs of war, sister #QueensInExile.


  1. Grind.  Do you think less than a month away from my book launch that I want to be blogging, interviewing, social media ‘ing, working full time and planning a book launch party?  No, #QueensInExile.  I do not.  I want to be under my bed with a rosé IV, my phone, a few books and as many macarons as I could shove into my gaping maw like a civilized human being.  That is not an option.  Hey!  You know how I got A Thing that some of you probably want?  You know how even if you don’t want My Thing, you probably want A Thing of Your Own and still have feels about My Thing?  You know how much you want to hear about me whining that I got A Thing and how hard it is to do all the things required to make my thing successful?  Guess what sister #QueensInExile!  That’s right!  Everyone else in your life also has zero sympathies to give about your plight as well.  Shut up and take care of business.  If you can’t shut up, continue complaining and get it done.  No one said being a Queen would be easy.
  2. Be the answer.  Where are you in your battlefield?  Do you need to kiss and make up with previous rivals to move forward?  Do it.   Yesterday.  Do you need to take a shot at a rival queen to let her know who is on top?  Get it, girl.  Save the love ‘n light for your full moon circle with bitches you actually love and care for.  Do you see an opportunity?  Take it.  You may not get it again.  Can you make an opportunity?  Make it.  Do you have markers you can call in and you are in a place to go all in?  Do it.  You are in exile, this is about survival not being precious.  Do it with as much grace and class as you can muster, but get it done.
  3. Be austere.  You know why.
  4. Make an entrance.  You own the space you occupy now?  That means you fancy.  Own a subtle drama when you speak.  Concentrate on how you hold yourself.  Dress like you give a shit about how you appear to yourself and others, whatever that means to you.  Make a goddamn entrance, sister #QueensInExile.  If you don’t, you know another rival #QueenInExile will.  Make the odds ever in your favor.

See you on the flip side of the forest, sisters.  I’ll be waiting.

Deborah Castellano
Deborah Castellano's book Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want is available for purchase through Amazon, Llewellyn and Barnes and Noble.
Her frequently updated catalogue of published work is available on Author Central.

She writes about Glamour Magic here at Charmed, I'm Sure. Her podcast appearances are available here.

Her craft shop, The Mermaid & The Crow specializes in old-world style workshop from 100% local, sustainable sources featuring tempting small batch ritual oils and hand-spun hand-dyed yarn in luxe fibers and more!

In a previous life, Deborah founded the first Neo-Victorian/Steampunk convention, SalonCon which received rave reviews from con-goers and interviews from the New York Times and MTV.

She resides in New Jersey with her husband, Jow and their cat, Max II. She has a terrible reality television habit she can't shake and likes St. Germain liquor, record players and typewriters.  


2 Responses

  1. Please, please source the illustration and photography you use, preferably beneath the photo. It’s also kind, fair, and important to obtain permission.

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.