Scene: Samhain at my grove. There are way too many people there for my (not-so) secretly misanthropic ass. And way too many exes in a tight place. Generally, BPAL oils smell nice on me but don’t do what they’re “supposed” to do. Naturally, feeling completely claustrophobic and self conscious provides an excellent chance for CENTZON TOTOCHTIN to show me what it can do.
Grove member: You’re glowing! You’ve got that just married glow! Gorgeous!
Me: Oh, thank you.
Grove member: And you smell delicious! Doesn’t she smell delicious, Other Grove Member?
There are suddenly several people getting very close into my personal space bubble. I’m torn between feeling flattered and like a cornered cat. Several grove members smell me and confirm that I do in fact smell delicious. With all the smelling, a cute grove member my age starts chatting me up about my resin crow skull necklace.
Jow suddenly appears with pomegranate seeds and offers to feed them to me as cute grove member slinks away.
Me: You are inadvertently hilarious.
Jow: How so?
Me: Because I swear to god that any jealousy you had has died since we got married.
Jow: Well, yes. It will now cost you upward of $5,000 to leave me and will be a complete hassle for you. So it makes me feel all warm and safe inside. But what does that have to do with anything?
Me: Because I remember when we first dated how you’d get jealous sometimes and I know how you’d act. Just now was not how you would get. You coming around while cute grove member was flirting with me was just you being oblivious about what was going on.
Jow: Oh! I didn’t realize! And here I am all, ‘Hi, I’m your husband! Eat my pomegranate seeds!’ I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t realize there was tail fluffing* happening.
Me: Right. Hence, the inadvertent hilarity.
Jow: He’s all, ‘Rrrr! Crow skull!’ And you’re all, ‘I know, hot right?’ and I’m all, ‘Hello, wife! Hello new friend! . . .Where’s new friend going?’
Me: Scared off by the pomegranate seeds! It’s okay though. Tail fluffing unlocked!
* When a flirtatious encounter makes you feel like your tail is fluffed out like a peacock