Me: I’m tired.
My Muse (gently): I know.
Me: Sometimes this gets really hard and I feel really lost and like I’m a hamster on a wheel, running, running, running. I surrendered myself to this Experiment, to you. But sometimes I don’t know what that means and it scares me. I can’t even do divination for anything right now, it’s all spinning so fast. Am I my best? Will this mean something? Will all these 6a mornings and late nights and tiredness count? Will I get ahead and finally not be in debt? Will I screw that up like I always do? Will I gain the weight I lost back? Will I fuck everything up for myself like I always do? Will Jow leave me if I get successful like others have? Will I get my social life back? Am I going in the right direction? Will my book be good? Will my course be good? Will my crafts be good? Will I be good?
My Muse: This is where it’s important, where it’s hard and you can’t see in front of you and the forest is dark. This is where you have to believe, which you’ve never been good at. This is where you can’t give up. This is where you have to keep trying, even when you’re not even sure what that means, even if it feels like sometimes no one else really understands all the Work you’re doing. It’s important. You’re changing your insides, one piece of a star at a time. You can do this. You need to do this. This is where you start to become who you want to be. I believe in you or I never would have chosen you. Keep pushing, tiny one. Keep pushing. In the meantime, you should smoke a bowl asap, you’ve earned it.
So we’ve been doing all these awesome things to help our goals and make sure that we’re looking at these goals from all sides which is great holistic work to keep us moving forward and to make sure that nothing is overlooked. But this week it’s important to work on specific things to further your goals. What’s the hardest thing for you to do? What do you keep putting off? Do it now. Grit your teeth and push, baby. You’re making something beautiful, don’t stop now. Show the universe what kind of wonders you’re capable of this week.
Keep on keeping on.
I was just giving myself a pep talk last night. LOL
Back on the horse
YOU: "Am I my best? Will this mean something? Will all these 6a mornings and late nights and tiredness count? Will I get ahead and finally not be in debt? Will I screw that up like I always do? Will I gain the weight I lost back? Will I fuck everything up for myself like I always do? Will Jow leave me if I get successful like others have? Will I get my social life back? Am I going in the right direction? Will my book be good? Will my course be good? Will my crafts be good? Will I be good?"
ME: Cripes, girl. I am so right there with you. Fearful of success, fearful of not being good enough, fearful of not being GOOD. Yikes. Not a fun place to be.
On a related note: Bloggity Blog:
Blessed Imbolc in advance 🙂
One more from me. Saving the tough ones for the end, weren't you?
By the by, since you're already good, you forgot to add the 'continue to' in the 'will i be good'.
Is it shoulder to wheel or head to desk?
boom. awesome http://walkwithpeace.blogspot.com/2012/02/shoulder-to-wheel.html
My post: Row Ye Bastards! Maybe this will be the NYNY organization weekend where things get put away instead of dragged out and rediscovered with loving enthusiasm, like my entire knitting stash. So far a really ugly bag to be felted and 1/3 of a sock have been produced. Wish me luck.
Did it. With added Sesame Street.
Further blogging (with some progress – YAY).
I didn't write about my "shoulder to the wheel" moment so much as post it to my blog. I finished the ad/explanation video for the design competition my school is hosting, and I've provided links to the project on the school website.
I'm very happy that the thing has launched. The five schools (minimum) are sorting themselves out and getting ready to join us. Mercury says so, of course, because one doesn't push the wheel forward without applying the appropriate libations…
this was tough because there's alot of waiting involved
Let's try that again.
Shoulder to the Wheel – Wherein I confess to slackassery. Shoulder to the Wheel.
Sisyphus had it easy. ;p
i figured it'd be cheating to file talking to ancestors under "asking for help." =)
the wheel ran me over a little, but here it is!
I should have posted this link a while back.
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