I am the most unlikely candidate to run away to join the circus since the circus was invented. I have everything wrong with me – fibromyalgia, nervousness, middle age, not athletic, ambi-dumbness/INTJ/ENTJ-ness, boobs of porn star proportions (which sounds awesome until you’re trying to buy a bra, let me assure you) and I’ll always been a bit zaftig, it’s just the proportions of my body.
But once, oh once, I could trust my body. I could trust it to do tap and jazz, figure skating, tree climbing, modern dance, anything. Well, it turns out that Aerial Silks/Acrobatics is the cure. For once, my body and brain could be on the same page – we could feel fearless, we could jump, toss, turn and swing down from the trapeze. None of my friends would do it with me (punks) but who could turn down a $30 class in a gym with a really high ceiling. Jow agreed to come with to cheer me on. Apparently, everyone else in that particular class were a bunch of punks too because it was just me and my very spry instructor. It was really good for me to have time to learn at my own pace without feeling self conscious like I usually do in these settings. There were no CrossFit-Zumba instructors there, learning to climb the silks in a half hour to the ceiling. My instructor assured me that while most people think you’re born with a natural aptitude for circus skills (or not), the opposite is the case; you have to work really hard and train because no one’s feet are born used to the tight rope and climbing silks. At one point, I was getting frustrated because of my ambi-dumbness and I gestured angrily at my chest. “Is it because I’m too top heavy? Is that why I can’t get this?” It would figure, I thought gloomily. Because contrary to popular belief (again), gods forbid you want to do anything vaguely athletic with huge tits. Generally it feels like being a tipsy teapot. “No,” he said. “No, there’s nothing anatomically wrong with you.”
I can’t even tell you how badly I needed to hear that because usually, all I hear is everything that is anatomically wrong with me ever. Just having that said to me made me feel like I could do this. I loved the freedom of the movements, I loved the focus on posture and pretty feet, I loved getting to put my vague dance training to use.
Jow got pretty excited about aerial too. So much that I didn’t even have to talk him into agreeing to sign up for the twelve week program. In a month or two, we’ll be able to afford it and how fun will that be?