Just Give Up.

posted in: almost famous | 4

You are doing everything that you’re supposed to do, you’re CRUSHING IT, you’re a LINCHPIN, you’re a BRAZEN CAREERIST, she’s my priestess/I’m her priest, yeah!   You’re a resume spewing, crafting, writing, love making machine!  Everyone loves you, everyone wants to be you!  You’re free!

Maybe . . .maybe . . .things are all going to work out after all.

Don’t be ridiculous.

I noted that one of my besties is a half hearted atheist/agnostic and she’s a better Pagan than I am.  It’s true.  She believes in the Universe and The Plan.  Maybe things suck now but everything will become clear shortly as it always has.  Logically, I know she’s right.  Emotionally, I’m all *side eye to my altar* trust no one.

Everything was coming together and then . . .the bottom half fell out for me.  I say half because another one of my income sources just dried up.  The biggest one, of course.  Why not?  It’s less than three weeks before my wedding, it’s a perfect time to be completely worked up into a complete state of despair, distrust and complete emotional upheaval.  Why not start a job search three weeks before getting married?

And what exactly am I supposed to do?  What is the Universe mumbling to me?  Am I supposed to try to get a comparable job and keep things as is?  Get a full time day job until one of my arts pans out (if it does)? 

The compass spins.

And spins.

And time becomes this weird weightless thing where everything feels too long and too short at the same time and I can’t breathe.  I feel exhausted and discouraged.  2012 will age all of us far more than a year.  I dutifully apply to everything and anything and throw my hands up. 

This is where everything is super hard.  This is where I want to give up.  Give up on what, I’m not sure.  My dreams, my hopes, everything that stresses me out.  All of it.

I suppose, now would be where I would say, this is where you push baby!

No.

Just give up.

Don’t get excited, I’m still the girl who started the Experiment.  I’m not saying forever.  I’m saying for a day.  Give up for a day.  Just let everything slide and see what it feels like not to be trying your hardest and just not care.

The Best Guide to Quitting (for a day):

1. Call out of work.  You’re probably sick with something stress related anyway.  A day off from work is like a ghost crab day in Mexico – it doesn’t count.  Take a Xanax or your tranq of choice and go back to bed.

2.  Take your meds if you take any (let’s not get crazy-ier).  Don’t shower.  Don’t brush your teeth.  Don’t brush your hair.  You can change into fresh pjs if you like.

3. You may leave the house (yeah, like this) for one stop: the grocery store.  Potential purchases: jug wine, cigarettes, carbs, trashy magazines.  Nothing healthy, that’s for losers.

3. Take your pillow, your favorite blanket and stuffed animal and go lie on the couch. 

4. Daytime television (I recommend Fox) and internet forever.

5. Dinner time!  Pizza (Domino’s because it’s awful) or Chinese food (nothing steamed) delivered.

6. Time to start feeling better about your lot in life.  Time for reality tv, obv.  I recommend the following downward spiral in the following order:

a. America’s Next Top Model

b. Beverly Hills Nannies

c. Gallery Girls

d. My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

e. 16 and Pregnant

f. Real Housewives of Where Ev

g. Teen Mom

h. Toddlers and Tiaras

i. Dance Moms

j. Intervention

k. Hoarders

 

7. Go to bed at a reasonable hour.  After all, tomorrow is a new day, Scarlett.  You get a day to wallow then it’s back to work.

Deborah Castellano
Deborah Castellano's book Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want is available for purchase through Amazon, Llewellyn and Barnes and Noble.
Her frequently updated catalogue of published work is available on Author Central.

She writes about Glamour Magic here at Charmed, I'm Sure. Her podcast appearances are available here.

Her craft shop, The Mermaid & The Crow specializes in old-world style workshop from 100% local, sustainable sources featuring tempting small batch ritual oils and hand-spun hand-dyed yarn in luxe fibers and more!

In a previous life, Deborah founded the first Neo-Victorian/Steampunk convention, SalonCon which received rave reviews from con-goers and interviews from the New York Times and MTV.

She resides in New Jersey with her husband, Jow and their cat, Max II. She has a terrible reality television habit she can't shake and likes St. Germain liquor, record players and typewriters.  

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4 Responses

  1. I’ve done days like this. Usually throw in a walk through the park or a pretty neighborhood, just because I like that, but otherwise I stick to all the unhealthy stuff.

    But what happens at the end of your list? For me, these indulgent days became spoiled as the evening wore on, as the stress began to burn inside me, the certain knowledge that tomorrow it starts all over, and I can’t keep dodging work (class, project, gf, bills) forever.

    Does this day really help, or is it a prettier kind of quaalude?
    Drew recently posted..altmagic rebooted: spell cards, how-to, and telling it like it beMy Profile

    • Hi Drew,

      I can’t speak for the universe of course, but I can speak for myself and yes, it does help. Because usually by that point I am actually run down, a little sick and definitely exhausted. I’m often at a point where I’ve lost my perspective. I’m not thinking clearly, I’m run down by the stress and I can’t think of new options and opportunities.

      Not taking a day to rest, unplug and unwind makes it much harder to face your responsibilities with a clear head, heart and mind. At least for me it does. I find most of the time I wake up the next day much calmer and more thoughtful with a new perspective and new ideas on how to meet my changes.

      Also I feel much better about my life because I’m not 16 and pregnant with a deadbeat boyfriend while owing my family 15K for the gallery I just opened that needs to make 10K in a month to stay afloat while denying an air duster habit while rabbits eat my walls in my house.

      Cheers,
      Deborah

  2. Danial Dohman

    This is my first time i visit here. I located so many interesting stuff in your blog especially its discussion. From the tons of comments on your posts, I guess I am not the only one having all the enjoyment here! keep up the good work.

  3. Willian Carretta

    Cool! You have answered. I’ll take a quote! The meaning of life and everything else. Decided. No kidding!….

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