So like everything we discuss, you don’t have to be a girl to get a girl. We’re gonna get real meta here and go a step further: your girl doesn’t even have to be a girl. But you need a girl. She won’t be one person, this isn’t Downton Abbey. She’ll be more like a team of girls – your Sephora girl (mine is Alex), your hair girl (mine is Justine), a cosmetics girl when you have to have your situation in order (mine is Michelle), your yoga girl (mine is Jennifer), your girl for seamstress issues (I’m in between currently, but they generally do your dry cleaning too), your girl for cobbling issues (mine is a dude), your girl for your diet issues (mine is Sarah) and so on and so forth. You need a team of experts who you can go to and whine that you don’t know how to use highlighter/don’t know how red your hair should be/slap fake eyelashes on you/fix your inherited Manolos when you wore them places where they don’t belong/get your Warrior pose correct/engage in psychological warfare with when you are not magically six weeks in because you are being half assed because it is rosé season. Get a team established. It sounds terrifying and expensive but it really isn’t once you get in there. Most of these things ultimately save you money and aren’t a high upfront cost. You could keep buying red lipsticks at the drug store on sale at $8 a pop and not getting it right, or you could ask a girl and spend $18 and not need to buy three you will never wear again. Three = $24. One = $18.
But we all have problems that are more minor than even the above but we still somehow haven’t found the solution to. This is when you enlist a (cyber) girl. There are many bloggers whose whole joie de vivre is to come up with solutions to these problems and then go forth and share them with the masses through Pinterest. They are often (though not always) Hipster Mormon Mommy bloggers who are generally living the (caffeine-free) Instagram dream. All you have to do is type in what you need in the oracular search bar and a whole huge canvas of solutions will appear before your very eyes. If that’s not actual witchcraft, I frankly do not know what is.
Let me bring you the good news of how to fix your situation with fixes I’ve actually used via Pinterest. Feel free to chime in with yours where ever you are reading this!
Lunch is a total pain in the ass because it requires so much prep and I start to barf if I have to eat the same thing for more than a week. Kale Power Salad, Greek Chicken Power Bowls and bircher muesli generally keep me from stabbing someone in the work place. Generally.
Sarah hates me and is ruining my life, which is why we are at war. She wants me to eat less take out (healthy lo mein), much less booze (mermaid lemonaid), eat an inhumane amount of vegetables (Miss Martha’s Savory Barley Breakfast Bowl – bonus round, how to poach an egg) and stop eating so much sugar (one minute pumpkin cake – I use dairy and a little honey because I’m a savage).
Bonus Glamour points: Build yourself a vanity using an Ikea hack, figure out if you should keep your partner (tarot spread), figure out how to get a partner (tarot spread), unlock yourself (if you don’t want to be bothered with a partner tarot spread), make some smudge sticks for burning, make a succulent and crystal terrarium to draw whatever it is you’re trying to draw to yourself and maybe learn to read some tea leaves.