A Mixtape for You

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I used to love making mix tapes and cds for potential partners.  Rarely did I receive any back but there was something about trying to tell a person exactly how you felt about them through music.

I’m trying to do about a billion things at once as usual.  Visiting an ill family member weekly in Long Island, fighting with everyone who controls my medications, apply to a million craft shows (notably, Maryland Sheep and Wool, which is incredibly hard to get into so I’m putting together a press packet with my craft partner), prepping for booked shows (Village Renaissance Faire this weekend), updating my Etsy shops (which is sooooo time consuming which is why quarterly you get inundated with a bunch of updates at once; because it’s all I do when I’m not at my day job for several weeks at a time.  Taking pictures takes a million years, editing the pictures takes about a billion years, updating/writing copy takes about a billion trillion years) , working a research list/outlining for upcoming books and it’s been a year of too many deaths and too many serious illnesses.

All of this has not made for a happy immune system.  So I’m home sick.  I’ve slept all I could and now I’m just sitting here coughing up a lung.  So I decided to make you a mix tape so that you know I’m thinking of you, even when I feel miserable.  I would always cryptically pick out lyrics to my potential beau and write them out in the note but no explanation was ever given.  This is key in declaring your love for another person.  If they make you feel confused and love sick, up the ante and make them even more confused because even if you don’t date, you still won.  Other successful methodology that has worked in the past for me was to not be able to look the person I liked in the eye or smile at them ever, start even the simplest of conversations, answer their conversation gambits tersely because the blood is flowing too loudly in my ears to think and to freeze like a deer in a headlight if they even touched me for a moment.  

And I’ve been married twice, ladies and gentlemen!  So I know of which I speak!*

Harvest Moon Mix

“The Epic Moon” by Clare Fader He said he was a sailor on land to buy a boat/ I said I was a skeptic/ I tried to stay remote/ I began to smell the sea upon his skin/ I looked up to the heavens/ and the full moon said, “Dive in!”

“Moon and Moon” by Bat for Lashes I’m a huntress for a husband lost at sea/ If I had you here, better here together/ When this wild world is a big bad hand/ Pushing on my back/ Do you understand?  I have a fixation with the idea of having a sea captain for a husband.  Not, like, a cruise ship captain but not, like, a pirate either.  More like captain of a ship on a trade route where he would be gone for long periods of time and return and go again and I can walk on the widow’s walk our house would (obviously) have, looking to see if he came home yet.  I would spend a lot of time typing out novels and drinking red wine and weeping unconsolably over candlelight.   I’ve shared this thought with others out loud because I’m a blogger and have a cobweb-thin veneer between things I think and things I say out loud but I know you’ll understand.

“The One Who Got Away” by The Civil Wars Oh, I wish I’d never ever seen your face/ I wish you were the one/ Wish you were the one that got away  The Civil Wars have a complicated relationship with each other.  They never dated, they were already happily married to other people when they met at music writing camp which is the dorkiest thing ever which makes me love them that much harder.  In videos previous to this, they generally embody my view of Southern Gothic – she’s usually looking at him like she’s going to eat him whole and spit out his bones and he is usually in a disheveled tuxedo, looking like he’s not sure how he agreed to run away with her.  They’re quasi-broken up but they’re still making music together.  I never thought about what it must be like to be artistically married to someone as writers tend to be lone wolves for the most part.  It’s got to be much harder than regular-married.   I’m too much of a control freak to have my artistic success be dependent on another person but man, when it works it works.  This song is being used as part of the teaser for Ravenswood which is a Pretty Little Liars spinoff.  I can’t explain Ravenswood, it’s too awesome from what we’ve seen so far on PLL to be constrained by words.  There’s raven feathers, Caleb from PLL, a town curse, woojy townspeople and stone angels.  That’s all you need to know to tape it on your DVR.

“Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect” by The Decemberists And I recall in spring/ the perfume that the air would bring/ to the indolent town/ When the barkers call the moon down/ the carnival was ringing loudly now . . .Jow and I are huge Decemberists fans.  Colin’s voice can be a love/hate thing but I loved it from the gate and I love the lyrics.  I always said this part reminded me of Jow, And I built this balustrade/ to keep you home, to keep you safe/ from the outside world/ but the angles and the corners/ Even though my work is unparalleled/ They never seemed to meet/ This structure fell about our feet/ And we were free to go . . .And he always said this part reminded him of me (soiled in this context generally means rebellious/scandalous vs dirty),   But you, my soiled teenaged girlfriend/ How you furrow like a lioness/ And we are vagabonds/ We travel without seatbelts on/ We live this close to death

“My Moon, My Man” by Feist  My moon my man/ so changeable and/ such a lovable lamb to me/Take it slow/ Take it easy on me/ And shed some light/ Shed some light on me please

“I Want to Know” Smoke Fairies You’ve got the power to bring me down/ But I’ve got some sense and I’m going to let it go/ I see you coming like a weight of stones/ But my destruction is mine to own so/ Let me know/Let me know where I went wrong/ I want to know

“Werewolf” by Fiona Apple I could liken you to a were wolf/ The way you left me for dead/ But I admit that I provided a full moon/ Nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key

“Cosmic Love” by Florence + the Machine The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out/ You left me in the dark/ No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight/ in the shadow of your heart/ And in the dark I can hear your heartbeat/ I tried to find the sound/ But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness/ So darkness I became

“The Killing Moon” by Echo and the Bunnymen  Fate/ Up against your will/ Through the thick and thin/ He will wait until/ You give yourself to him . . .This has been my piece of mixtape sent to me from the universe.  I hear it playing all the time which is ridiculous because it’s a new wave song that was popular-ish but not crazy popular almost thirty years ago.  I hear it in weird places like the grocery store or on the radio out of nowhere.  I have no idea what it means or what the universe is trying to tell me.  I suspect it will become clear the minute after I die.

 

I hope you enjoyed this mixtape romp together.  If I haven’t lost my touch, you should be completely uncertain if I want to date you or if I’m going to encase you in lime green jello.  Ah, the mysteries of the universe!

 

*  Not actually an expert.  Don’t juggle chainsaws or hedgehogs.

 

Deborah Castellano
Deborah Castellano's book Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want is available for purchase through Amazon, Llewellyn and Barnes and Noble.
Her frequently updated catalogue of published work is available on Author Central.

She writes about Glamour Magic here at Charmed, I'm Sure. Her podcast appearances are available here.

Her craft shop, The Mermaid & The Crow specializes in old-world style workshop from 100% local, sustainable sources featuring tempting small batch ritual oils and hand-spun hand-dyed yarn in luxe fibers and more!

In a previous life, Deborah founded the first Neo-Victorian/Steampunk convention, SalonCon which received rave reviews from con-goers and interviews from the New York Times and MTV.

She resides in New Jersey with her husband, Jow and their cat, Max II. She has a terrible reality television habit she can't shake and likes St. Germain liquor, record players and typewriters.  

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